STILL MORE FAQS (SEPTEMBER 1997)

Q:  What is the Avalon Cinema?

Evil Paul:  A monstrous pain in the ...
Good Paul:  Upon completion, it will be a small art cinema showing foreign, alternative and independent films.

Q:  What kind of films will you show?

Evil Paul:  Movies that don't dive into the cesspool of mediocrity with their mouths wide open.
Good Paul:  If you are familiar with the International Film Series at OSU, you have a good idea of what our core programming will be. If the product is available, I'd like to augment that core with works of various directors, favorite actors, and really bad biker movies. I might even think about what you suggest.

Q:  What has been suggested?

Evil Paul:  Do you know how hard it is to keep a straight face while someone is telling you how much they'd like to see . . . .
Good Paul:  The diversity of suggested films has been amazing. It seems the most popular requests have been gay and lesbian films, Kubrick movies, Peter Sellers films, and even some of the better Clint Eastwood films (No, that's not oxymoronical).

Q:  When will the Avalon be open?

Evil Paul:  When it's done.
Good Paul:  August.

Q:  You have given opening dates before that have come and gone, and yet you are still under construction. What's the deal?

Evil Paul:  What the hell do you think I'm doing in here? Drinking beer and watching Sally? These calluses aren't from . . . .
Good Paul:  I am sorry about the delays, but the best laid plans can be upset by failed inspections and cost over-runs. Seeing how this is basically a one-man operations, things are going as well as possible.

Q:  How much will it be for tickets?

Evil Paul:  Divide the number of times I've been asked that question by your gross annual income and you'll be close.
Good Paul:  The price for a ticket is based on what it costs to keep the payments up on the construction loans and keep the rent paid. It is not some arbitrary number that looks good on the reader board. At this time, it is hovering around five bucks a head with cheaper matinees on Sunday.

Q:  Some one said you would be showing porno movies.

Evil Paul:  Not a chance in hell.
Good Paul:  Not a damn chance in hell.

Q:  Will you have air conditioning?

Evil Paul:  No. We'll just hand out towels and charge and extra five a head for the sauna.
Good Paul:  I am currently making a deal on a swamp cooler which will make it quite comfortable on the hot days.

Q:  Tell me about your snack bar.

Evil Paul:  No.
Good Paul:  We'll start by serving stuff I like. Then, as your suggestions and threats accumulate, I'll make changes. For now, glorious fat-filled popcorn (served with a stethoscope so you can listen to your arteries harden while you eat it) and canned and bottled pop, juices, and cold coffee drinks. We will have goodies for those who worry about their fat intake (you know, those incapable of living a little when they go out). A sugar buzz will be offered with the variety changing frequently.

Q:  Are you accepting applications?

Evil Paul:  Only if you work for free and call me "Supreme Ruler of the Universe."
Good Paul:  Not at this time. Ask when we have been open a spell. If you bring me a resume when I'm working on this place, I promise to lose it.

Q:  How many seats will you have?

Evil Paul:  Just the one God gave me.
Good Paul:  the auditorium will seat 73. Sixty-nine will be fixed and a space with four moveable seats will be available for wheel chair parking.

Q:  Are they comfortable?

Evil Paul:  Compared to what?
Good Paul:  What we lack in head rests and cup holders we make up for in leg-room.

Q:  Will you allow smoking?

Evil Paul:  Only if I light you on fire.
Good Paul:  No. But, we'll let you run outside to puff a fag with only minor harassment when you try to come back in.

Q:  Will you serve beer?

Evil Paul:  Only to the employees.
Good Paul:  In the future we may apply for an OLCC permit to serve beer. At this time we have no plans to do so.

Q:  Are you going to be showing old movies?

Evil Paul:  Only if I like 'em.
Good Paul:  If they are available. Email me, call or slip me a note telling me what you wanna see.

Q:  Why are you opening this theater?

Evil Paul:  I'm in it for the babes.
Good Paul:  I'm in it for the money.

Q:  Really?

Evil Paul:  Like I'm going to admit it . . . .
Good Paul:  Nope.

Q:  If this door is open, can I come in?

Evil Paul:  Go away.
Good Paul:  If I'm not busy, I'd love to answer questions. If you don't know construction site etiquette, don't come tromping in. You might get hurt, or worse yet, hurt me (The rudest thing I've had happen so far is someone tap me on the shoulder while I was cutting plywood with a power saw. He never got a chance to tell me what he wanted. Police are still investigating, so don't tell. That's when the barricade went up)

Q:  Who writes your material?

Evil Paul:  A small troll who lives in the rafters.
Good Paul:  The guy you'll be giving your money to when you come here to spend lots of it.

Q:  What if a question I had isn't answered here?

E-mail Paul at avalon@peak.org. Call the theater at: 752-4161
Or, you can try sticking your head in the door and see if I'm around (By the way, if you make me come down from the scaffolding to try to sell me something, I will be grumpy). But, I am always willing to take a minute and answer questions -- as long as the task I'm doing allows me to pause.

A sincere thank you to all who have stopped in and offered support and encouragement. There are days that's all that keeps me going.

Thank you for the support and encouragement so many of you have shown.