FAQS, August 2001

Q: Do you recycle everything at the Avalon Cinema?

A: Aside from my bad humor, it depends. We have one of the smallest containers Corvallis Disposal provides for commercial customers. Since almost half of our drinks are sold in glass or cans, they never the see inside of a trash can (I'm waiting for word from Pepsi on the recyclability of their drink cups). The Damn Huge popcorn tubs all go into the single sided cardboard bin. When we are very busy and fill the trash can, I will pick through our trash and separate out what I can.

Q: Where did you get the spiffy new seats?

A: The Grande Parkway in Wilsonville was torn down. Before the bulldozers came by, about five other theater owners and I arrived with U-Hauls, compressors and generators. You see, we’re always thinking of you at the Avalon Cinema.

Q: Can we bring in our own food?

A: Yes, until it becomes a clean-up problem. If you bring in something that smells so bad it's pissing-off everyone  in the auditorium (like McMerde, garlic pizza, limburger and oyster sandwiches on dark rye . . .  see where I'm going with this?) then the answer is a resounding NO. Never forget, hauling out your own trash is necessary to perpetuate this ultra-coolness on my part. Also, it is considered good form to purchase something at the snack bar so we don't talk about you behind your back.

Q: We hear that you are expanding.

A: It’s true, but switching to nonfat yogurt and bicycling to work everyday has cut that down.

Q: When are you getting beer for your theater?

A: After I've ingested enough to believe it’s a good idea. Still drinking . . . .

Q: What about devices for the hearing impaired?*

A: I have tried two systems that interfere with any cordless phone within 25 miles. I am going to try out an IR system in the near future. I recently was quoted the ADA edict by a customer, and she seemed like the type to narc me off. My hearing impaired customers have been very patient and one even offered me a loan to get the devices. I am on it. (Translation: I’m waiting for another multiplex to go under so I can scavenge their system.) *UPDATE! System for the Hearing Impaired INSTALLED!!!! Click Here!

Q: Who are those people running the place when you’re not there?

A: That’s Gerry and Stacy. Don’t fear them, they can smell it. Stacy is a grad student in some esoteric science I usually mispronounce -- and it is her ability to grasp the esoteric that makes her perfect for the Avalon. We put her on "perky duty" since Gerry and I are often too old to have the spring in our step that she has. Her energy is greatly appreciated by workers and customers. Gerry has over 10 years experience running movie theaters and dropped into my lap Spring 2000. Most people think running projectors is like slapping a "Little Mermaid" tape into the VCR. Actually, it’s a skill that needs to be kept up. Gerry came to me knowing as much as I do about projection systems. He has a real job at OSU and works two days a week at the Avalon so I can take a couple of nights off. Little known fact: Gerry is actually older than me and nothing makes his day more than someone referring to me as the "older guy". Gerry and Stacy are truly assets to the Avalon Cinema.

Q: Do you compete with the Bijou in Eugene and the Salem Cinema in Salem?

A: Michael at the Bijou and I talk every couple weeks. Usually we bitch about this odd business we’re in. He and I are not competing at a significant level. I often send customers to him when he has a film I know I won’t get. Loretta at Salem Cinema and I swap advertising materials. She usually runs films a few weeks behind me, so when someone wants to see something I've played, Salem is where I send them. They are both great people working difficult businesses that they love. If you are not warming a seat at the Avalon, it warms my heart to think you’re warming a seat in one of their establishments.

Q: Someone said you were going out of business?

A: And then I'd have to get a real job. Never happen . . .

Q: You have a new sound system?

A: The Avalon Cinema now sports a Dolby Stereo Surround system. We went from roughly 35 watts in the auditorium to over 400 watts. I'm currently setting up to install an acoustic wall covering and waiting for a hearing impaired system to fall into my lap. Also, I just acquired a subwoofer system that’ll be the envy of any 20-something male with the backwards ball cap in a lowered Acura sharing their bad thumping music with the world at every stop light.

Q: Can we save seats?

A: Only if you get them to repent first.

Q: What’s the deal with you occasionally playing first run movies?

A: Because I like the emails that start with, "You sold out." Or, I especially like the emails that start with, "We count on you to be Corvallis’s art cinema . . . ." My favorite is still, "Why should I patronize you when Regal shows the same films?" I usually respond with witty, somewhat condescending commentary. Just like I am now . . .

Q: Do you do benefits?

A: Just for the people who have done a benefit for me.

Q: Would you be willing to contribute money to our cause?

A: If you send me a form-letter or email with my name scrawled across the top asking for a financial contribution, it goes right into recycling. Ask me in person. Finding me to make that request is your problem. I am generally willing to give passes for charitable events -- again, ask me. Helpful hint: If I'm waiting on customers, it's not a good time to ask.

Q: Are you looking for help?

A: Gerry and Stacey can pretty much handle it when I'm taking my days off. I'm sometimes willing to take a resume. Sometimes we need an extra body when we hit the height of our busy season, but it’s not a permanent position. If you want to pester me for work, start with knowing something about film. Secondly, have a personality and two brain cells to rub together. Cute don’t cut it. Enthusiasm is over-rated. Acting like you’re soooo cool you have to work here just pisses me off. Being able to talk to customers about film is great. Understanding the ethic: "The Show Must Go On" is imperative. Also, looking like someone you’d want to buy food from is high up in my Book of Musts.

Q: How do you pay for movies?

A: Any way I can. Movie companies take a percentage of that ticket you bought. It can run as high as 90% of box office gross! On weeks like that, it is a supremely bad time to hit me up for donations. Usually on big movies, I need to pay an advance. You can guess the advance amount by looking at the number of stars the G-T review gave the movie. The number of stars is inversely proportional to what I paid. The G-T has shown a stunning ability to put bad reviews in for movies I just paid a butt-load of money to bring to Corvallis. In all fairness to the G-T, they have done some wonderful articles on the Avalon Cinema that have brought us a lot of new customers.

Q: We have been trying to get you to put up "Go Beavers!" signs. Why haven’t you?

A: When OSU wants to designate part of its campus to Avalon Cinema advertising, I'll advertise their football games. Until then, I suspect my support or lack thereof will have little to do with how the Beaver ganes are attended.

Q: Sometimes your website calendar is wrong.

A: Until the canonization goes through, I can make mistakes. That’s why it says to call before coming out.

Q: Do you sell your posters?

A: No.

Q: What’s the stupidest thing YOU’VE said to a customer?

A: During "Crouching Tigris, Hidden Euphrates" a very nice woman came from the auditorium to ask if I could adjust the sound because she could not understand what was being said. It was a bad night and I was not up to my usual degree of public face. I, in a condescending tone, informed the nice woman that the film was in Chinese and to my knowledge there was no way to project a Chinese film in English. She paused, cleared her throat, then informed me she had lived in China for 30 years and spoke the language fluently. The problem was the volume. It was three days before I would speak to another customer . . . .

We're now going into our 5TH year! Thank you for the support and encouragement so many of you have shown.