SLOGANS WE'VE CONSIDERED...
     AND MOSTLY DISCARDED

Avalon Cinema . . . .

. . . .The black fly in your chardonnay of common film.

. . . . We suck less.

. . . . We’ve experienced the joy of a welfare Christmas.

. . . . We show film to anyone the law allows . . . hell, even to a few it doesn’t.

. . . . If you don’t come see us today, we may not be here tomorrow.

. . . . You can always tell when we’re lying.

. . . . Where we insist on washing our hands after restroom use.

. . . . Where a twenty minute orgasm pales in comparison.

. . . . Where we make it a point to let you know we’re glad you're here . . . even if it involves physical violence.

. . . . Where time wounds all heels.

. . . . We are the lesser of all evils.

. . . . Where you muse, “Can you imagine a world without hypothetical questions?”

. . . . When the planets align, look for us at the end of the row.

. . . . Where we still play reindeer games after December 25th.

. . . . Where running with scissors is discouraged, but not outlawed.

. . . . Where If we don’t have an answer, we’ll make one up for you.

. . . . Where the women are above average, the children are sturdy, and the men are . . . we’ll discuss that after the trial.

. . . . Give us your business. We’re begging you.

. . . . Where there is no gambling on the premises.

. . . . Where decorating takes an evil turn down a dark and lonely road.

. . . . Where we have little fear of being hated for our beauty.

. . . . Where common sense takes a turn down a dark and lonely road.

. . . . We encourage hysterical laughter during a serious film . . . but only from the employees.

. . . . Where you are not only expected to make fun of us . . . it’s encouraged.

. . . . Where God speaks to us, but usually She says, “Knock it off. Remember Lot’s wife?”

. . . . Viagra for your cinematic enthusiasm.